Chapter six in which the family history of defecting to the ‘Other Side’ is revealed, and Mother and Dad get in trouble with the school principal  Well then. Following the unexpected departure of Uncle Stan, a period of relative calm reigned in the Zhvuk household for exactly twenty-eight days until a new disaster struck. Babka Zlatka and deda Anton moved in.      ‘Only while things simmer down, a few weeks really,’ deda was at pains to explain but if the number of  suitcases were anything to go by, they meant to stay a while.      ‘The shame of it!’ babka moaned, clutching at her temples; it was enough to kill a horse.      Well, of course, there had been a teensy weensy misunderstanding, and, of course, it was all deda’s fault  but did he own up? Hardly. As usual, he blamed Uncle Bob.       Uncle Bob, deda’s youngest brother originally known as Bobesh Dribbler, began his rise to fame ...

  The girls made up after school on the way home, but only after Vendula promised we’d go past Danek’s house.  Danek was Alice’s latest crush, a teenage hooligan she’d been drooling over since last Monday when we  discovered him sitting on a park bench, spitting on the footpath.      ‘He’s  gooo rgeous,’ Alice had raved.      ‘And so accomplished,’ I remarked before Vendula had time to do anything about it.      Alice looked at her and frowned.      ‘Well, all that spitting, you know, it takes some practice to get it just right,’ Vendula offered lamely, trying  to save the situation.      Alice rolled her eyes and told Vendula she was a loser.      ‘You’ll never catch anyone looking like this,’ Alice smirked, seizing this opportunity to berate Vendula  about her being Vendula.      Vendula stared. She had no intention...

  September came and with it the start of a new school year. As usual, Vendula hung out with her honorary  cousin Alice. The kinship, like their relationship, was defined by its very tenuity. The girls’ family ties  dated back to the golden days of the Austro-Hungarian Empire when Alice’s gr-gr-greatgrandad and  Vendula’s gr-gr-greatgrandad had been village idiots together, their combined intellect employed to keep  the geese off the village green. The girls’ relationship worked along similar lines.      In the mornings the girls walked to school together and in the afternoons they walked back home.  On the way Alice talked and Vendula listened. Frankly, it wasn’t much fun. Alice, a short fat lump  of a girl with a horsey face, was conceited and a bit of a bully. She constantly talked about herself; her  hair, her face, her make-up, the boys who liked her and the ones she liked, and she also talked about  her clothes. Ve...